What Happens at a Swing Club? Part 2

The first rule in swinging, and therefore the first rule at any club, is that no means NO! It can't be said any plainer than that. I don't know of a single club that doesn't vigorously enforce this rule. They're there to provide a safe, clean environment for like-minded people to socialize, meet, and maybe more. They can't do that if they don't strictly enforce Rule #1, as it's called. The swinging community is relatively small, and word travels fast within circles. Even a rumor of a club not handling situations properly would result in that club being avoided like the plague. The vast majority of swing clubs can't advertise like a regular nightclub can, so they rely on word of mouth. So they understand that adhering to Rule #1 is essential. I'm very serious here - no means no - period.

If anyone can't take no for an answer, gets insistent, obnoxious, or even grabby, all one has to do is let a staff member know, and the offending party WILL be taken aside and talked to, and removed if necessary - and not allowed back. I would say that 99.99% of swingers also take this rule as gospel, so the problem rarely comes up. We've seen it happen only a couple of times in 7 years, and it was always as a result of someone having too much alcohol. Most clubs frown on drunkenness as a result of this, and keep an eye out for its signs. It's fine to have a drink or two, and it's encouraged. Getting hammered, however, is frowned upon, and that person will most often find themselves being asked to leave, and not allowed back.

The first question we are asked is "Will I be expected to have sex with somebody else? What if I don't want to have sex with somebody else?" The answer is "Then don't." It needs to be stressed that you are under NO obligation to do ANYTHING other than abide by the rules of the club, and be polite - just like any other place. Almost every club has a printed list of rules, and will be more than happy to explain them to you - some even require that you read those rules and sign a copy of them as a condition of membership. You don't have to have sex with anyone, or at all for that matter. YOU are always in COMPLETE charge of your body, and walking into a swing club does not change that in any way, shape, manner, or form. Turning down an invitation to play with someone is very acceptable - it happens all the time. Nobody is attracted to everyone, and everyone knows that. A polite "Thanks, but no thanks," is perfectly acceptable. If there's a problem, see Rule #1. You don't owe anybody anything just because you're there. Just bring your party manners, relax, and have a good time.

Another one of the first questions we're asked is, "What if I see somebody I know there?" or, "What if somebody sees us there?" Lin and I had this question as well, although Lin had a bigger problem with it than I did. The answer to that question is, "So what?" Think about it - why is that person there? For the same reason you are. It does happen - it's happened to us. In fact it happened on our 4th visit to one particular club. Lin and I were sitting at the bar, ordering drinks, when I heard a familiar voice off to my left. I turned, and there was a woman I had worked with for the last 2 years, and her husband. After the initial "OH MY GOD! - YOU?" wore off, we all laughed about it and had a really good time that night. They're now some of our closest lifestyle friends, and come to all of our house parties.

Lin was very concerned that she'd bump into someone she worked with. She finally came to the conclusion that if that happened, she'd talk to the person and make sure everything was clear between them - work was one thing, and this is another. The two will remain separate. And if you think about it in another way, that other person stands to lose just as much as you do if things get out of hand. Is anyone really going to go to work Monday and announce, "Hey! Guess who I saw at a swing club Saturday night?" The first response would be, "What were you doing at a swing club?"

What I'm saying is that the swing community in every area is relatively small, so it does happen that people bump into people they may know from other aspects of life - especially in smaller towns like ours. You will have to come to terms with that however you see fit to do so. Rule #2 (see below) comes into play here. Generally speaking, it winds up not being such a bad thing. While at first you may be stunned or amazed that 'that person swings?' it's usually seen as not a very big deal soon after the initial surprise wears off. Besides - that gives you a couple to socialize with since you already know them.

Rule #2 is that discretion is a must. Leave what happens at a swing club at the swing club. It's fine to discuss it between yourselves, and even amongst your lifestyle friends, but it's considered bad form to discuss things with your non-lifestyle friends and co-workers. It does happen, but it's not usually considered being a good thing. A good friend of mine once gave me some fabulous advice - "Don't try to make your friends swingers, make swingers your friends." With that in mind, please leave your non-lifestyle friends out of the discussion. It really is nobody else's business.

So, now you see why my answer to the question, "What happens at a swing club?" is "What do you want to happen?" Truth be told, just about anything you can dream of can potentially happen - and I mean that in a good way. Swingers come in all shapes, sizes, and races. They come from both ends of the economic spectrum, and everywhere in between. They come from varied backgrounds, have varied interests. They're just people. The defining difference is they all share a common sexual interest, and view a club as a place to meet, socialize with, and just be around others with that same interest. There's a chance that something more than just socializing may come about - but there's an equal chance that it won't. It can be a place to play, or it can just be a place to make contact. It can be a place to watch, or a place to be watched. It can just be a place to hang out with some sexy people. It always is, however, what you make it.